Football, Sexual (And Other) Violence, and Homophobia - Part IV

Publicity around Esera Tuaolo didn’t end there. In June of 2010, Tuaolo was arrested for domestic assault. He was supposed to have a hearing in August of 2011. I didn’t find any stories on the internet about his hearing. At the time of his arrest, he said, “This is a private situation that has gotten blown out of proportion by the media.” Tuaolo's response reminds me of another story about another powerful person.

My hometown’s recently elected and newly sworn-in sheriff [when I first drafted this he was still sheriff], Ross Mirkarimi said the domestic violence case against him was “a private matter, a family matter." A matter between his wife, Eliana Lopez--who went to a neighbor and recorded a video of the bruise/bruises on her arm and sent text messages about the incident--and himself. 

Domestic violence advocates responded by fundraising for a billboard to be placed near the Hall of Justice, home of the sheriff's office, that says:

Domestic Violence is NEVER a private matter.

Ross Mirkarimi claimed he was innocent. His wife refused to testify against him. Right before his case went to trial, he pled guilty to one charge. (He later said he wasn't guilty and that he only pled to stop the turmoil.) Mayor Ed Lee asked him to resign. Mirkarimi refused, and the mayor suspended him without pay for misconduct. Mirkarimi has chosen to fight for his job. Lopez, his wife, has taken her / their son and gone to Venezuela to visit her ailing father. When she went to her neighbor's house, Lopez had told her that Mirkarimi wouldn't allow her to take her son home with her. 

In one of the blogs that I follow, And Yet, I'm Still Single, Andrea Serrano writes about her experience with Intimate Partner Violence in the blog post titled "Part Two, Bullied." It's clear, insightful, solid writing about one woman’s experience. In the previous post, she soberly writes, "I am an outspoken Chicana Feminist who worked as a Community Educator specializing in violence prevention" and "violence can happen in any relationship, regardless of sexuality or gender."

Intimate Partner Violence. I haven't been happy with the term Domestic Violence because it sounds too...domestic, civil...and not grounded. Intimate Partner Violence doesn't completely satisfy me, but at least the focus is on the relationship between the people involved. Hopefully, one day we'll have a term that captures the violence, the violations that occur. Better yet, hopefully, one day we won't need the term.

I hope Esera’s partner is fine. I hope Esera is. I wish their family the best. 

I think Mirkarimi should have resigned. Since he didn't, I agree with Lee's decision to suspend him. I hope the Board of Supervisors don't allow him to return to his position. 

Serrano is writing and sharing her story and living and healing.
 
The SF Chronicle quotes Perrish Cox as saying, “That’s not me. I’m not that type of guy.” 

I hope he wasn’t and he’s not. I hope he’s learned more than the benefits of a good defense attorney. But he carried an unconscious woman to a bed with another man in it. The man says he left the bed. The woman had a child that is 99% sure to be Cox's. I hope the woman and her child are safe now. I hope they all heal.

I can’t write "Everyone lived happily ever after." All I know is as long as we're living, we have a chance to do better next time...and I’ll keep exploring from the bleachers.