Adrienne Rich, 1929-2012

Adrienne Rich died this week. I’ve read very little of her work. Still, I feel her loss. As little as I knew her work and I didn't know her, I know she was important to women important to me. Women I respect and care about even the many whose names I don’t know. 

I read that in 1974 when she won the National Book Award, she accepted it with Alice Walker and Audre Lorde, two Black women, one a self-identified lesbian. They accepted the award for all women. 

Later, according to The New York Times,

In 1997, in a widely reported act, Ms. Rich declined the National Medal of Arts, the United States government’s highest award bestowed upon artists. In a letter to Jane Alexander, then chairwoman of the National Endowment for the Arts, which administers the award, she expressed her dismay, amid the “increasingly brutal impact of racial and economic injustice,” that the government had chosen to honor “a few token artists while the people at large are so dishonored.”

I feel a heaviness. A sadness at the loss of such a writer, such a woman.

I feel like I’m making progress on my writing then I’m humbled. I know it's not a bad thing. 

Thank you, Adrienne, for all you did, for all you wrote. 

16 May 1929 - 27 March 2012

Football, Sexual (And Other) Violence, and Homophobia - Part III

The Trayvon Martin case has been filling the headlines. Trayvon Martin, 17 years old, was killed by George Zimmerman, member of a community watch, after police told him to leave Martin alone. Something about Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law. It came out that Zimemrman was not a member of that community's watch. This week, the news is that Martin had been suspended from school for having a baggie--kids still use those?--of trace amounts of weed. Now, word is out that Martin attacked Zimmerman and Zimmerman shot Martin trying to defend himself. To paraphrase what Martin's mother said, First, they killed my son; now, they're trying to kill his character. 

What else will come out? When will Zimmerman be arrested? Or even questioned? When will his gun and clothes be examined? This tragedy--aren't tragedies supposed to be inevitable?--has ended with one life taken. I worry that the toll will not end there. Partly because of all the events that led to this point. There is more to ask and say about this case, but for this blog, I just want to make one side note: Thirteen members of the Miami Heat wore hoodies for a photo. Athletes taking a political stand! Wow.  

Back to the series...     
 
According to Esera Tuaolo’s website: he played in the National Football League for 9 years. He was drafted by the Green Bay Packers in 1991 (second round 35th pick), the highest Defensive Linemen ever taken in Packer history at that time. Esera also was the first rookie to start all 16 games his rookie year in NFL history. He earned a spot on the All Rookie team in 1991.

Garrison Hearst and Jeremy Shockey didn’t want him—a 280-pound nose tackle who could run a 40 in 4.8--in their locker room? Or on their team? (Okay, they weren’t speaking of Esera specifically…)

Crazy!

Jim Buzinski of outsports.com quotes one player as saying, "I really don't see it as being that big a deal," Carolina Panthers left tackle Todd Steussie, who played with Tuaolo in Minnesota from 1994 to 1996, told the Rock Hill (S.C.) Herald. "It might make some people uncomfortable, but to me it's a non-issue." Back to the first hand or stuck somewhere between the two, Buzinski quotes another player saying he loves Tuaolo like a brother and even though God forbids it “we can be friends.”

Like Esera, I found Dave Kopay, the first former NFL player, to come out. Somehow I ran across his name. It was so long ago I think it was before I came out to myself. I might have still been in high school or early college. I knew I was more than casually interested in the Dave Kopay story, but I couldn’t admit to myself why.

Writing this post, I found out about Roy Simmons and Gerald “Jerry” Sandford Smith and looked for information them. Dave Kopay said smith and he had an affair when they were teammates.  Smith died of AIDS; he acknowledged having AIDS but not being gay. Simmons wrote a book that www.outsports.com calls a “searing and brutally honest account of a player who wrestled with his sexuality and drug abuse.” When I looked for the book in my library’s system, this title appeared: Out of Bounds: Inside the NBA’s Culture of Rape, Violence, and Crime.

Back to the violence off the field, court, etc.

I know that whatever happens in sports happens in society. I’ll explore why we outsiders, spectators, folks in the bleachers look at sports as if it weren’t a microcosm of society.

Recently, the 49ers signed Randy Moss. He’s supposed to be moody, disruptive, divisive, and whatever term team executives and reporters use to describe players who don’t go along with the program. 

I don’t know why besides addiction to capitalism that I get so invested in a team of men who earn lots of money to play a game to win a silver football on a stand. What do I care? What does this have to do with freedom and equal rights for me, other women, other queers? What does it have to do with anyone's freedom?

Then I remember being 15 or 16 years old and the 49ers won their first Super Bowl. That silver football on a stand meant so much. Actually, all the games leading up to that game like The Catch.

I’d like to end this post on a happy note, in an article in ESPN Magazine, Esera says:
“I live with a partner, Mitchell, I have loved for six years, and we have beautiful 23-month-old twins -- Mitchell and Michele -- we've adopted and are raising together. Got a house in the suburbs (of Minneapolis) and a lawn and two dogs. I've recorded two pop albums. I'm just your typical gay Samoan ex-nose tackle who'd like to break into show biz.” 

You can hear Tuaolo singing "Imagine" on his website. His voice is as sweet as his smile. 

Football, Sexual (and Other) Violence, and Homophobia Part II

The Cox signing left the headlines quickly. The 49ers stealthily entered the signing war for Peyton Manning and that headline eclipsed all others for the past week. Alex Smith worked out for the Dolphins, but they signed another quarterback. Manning chose the Denver Broncos. Now, the Niners and Smith look suitable for each other once again. There is speculation about how serious any of the pursued and pursuers really when they took each other out for a spin. Maybe the 49ers really and truly wanted Manning. They must have to have risked Smith. Though, really, how much risk was there? The Niners went after a proven quarterback--before the most recent surgeries--and got rid of Cox headlines.  And my series continues...
 
I only read about the Cox case in online newspaper and TV news stories. He was acquitted. I can’t say he’s guilty. It’s really hard to understand how he says he didn’t have sex with her and she does not remember having sex with him and she ended up pregnant. I know the legal system doesn’t always work for anyone—accused and victim. All I know is it’s complicated. Writing that feels like a copout. I copped out a long time ago.

When I read the article about Cox months—a year? year and a half?—ago, I'm sure I felt bad for the woman. I feel bad and angry any time anyone is sexually assaulted. I feel bad when anyone is assaulted in any way. I’m sure I also felt relief that he wasn't on My Team. 

I'm sure as I felt my relief that since he wasn’t on My Team, he wasn’t My Problem. I could watch My Team and have no problems.

I’m sure I couldn’t completely mask my nervousness. These stories. The ones where your favorite player or a player on your favorite team does something wrong that it knocks you out of your love affair with them.

I was knocked out of love with a Giants pitcher accused of domestic violence. Okay, I didn’t love him, but he was on the team. I for sure didn’t like him when the domestic violence charges came. He’s not on the team anymore, but while he was I isolated my hatred for him from my feelings for the rest of the team. Denial works in many ways.

By the way, domestic never sounds domestic when it is paired with violence because VIOLENCE IS NOT DOMESTIC. It’s not civil, nice, appropriate.
I was knocked out of love in 2002 when Garrison Hearst made his derogatory remark about queers. I use the word queers. He used the word faggot. According to www.outsports.com who got it from The Fresno Bee (I didn’t go back to the original article because they’re now charging a fee), Hearst said:
“Aww, hell no! I don't want any faggots on my team. I know this might not be what people want to hear, but that's a punk. I don't want any faggots in this locker room.”

I hated Hearst. I hated myself for ever liking him. I hated myself for being a fool. Why was I, a woman, a lesbian, a politically conscious Chicana lesbian rooting for this man. He hated me. Hearst never used the word hate and he didn’t mention my name. He was talking about gay men. I can only wonder what he would say about a lesbian in his locker room. 

What is or was his reason for not wanting a gay man in his locker room? It seems obvious that he feared the stereotype of gay men—that they’ll attack straight men. Ultimately, he issued one of those apologies that sound forced.
I felt sad. I thought we were friends. Not friends-friends but fan-player friend. You know, I would buy him a drink if he ever came into the bar. Or, I’d ask for his autograph if I ever ran into him…at the bar. I don’t go to bars often, but that’s the only place I can imagine running into a Forty Niner or any professional athlete. I would have bought him a drink. Or, I would have inconspicuously stared and fantasized about buying him a drink. If he dropped into the bar when my uncles were there, they would have bought him a drink! Or, inconspicuously stared and fantasized about buying him a drink.

Garrison told the world we're not friends. He joined Jeremy Shockey who said he hoped there were no gay players in the NFL. Hearst and Shockey were responding to former NFL player Esera Tuaolo coming out. Yes, out as in GAY!
Read the next post about 4, yes, FOUR former NFL players. I think you'll be more surprised than you might expect.

Football, Sexual (and Other) Violence, and Homophobia - Part I

I just read that my NFL team, the San Francisco 49ers, signed Perrish Cox. I thought I hadn't heard of him until I read the article about him being acquitted of sexual assault. Thanks to a reader’s comment because the NFL’s Executive of the Year General Manager Trent Baalke’s statement—sentence?—gave no hint of the serious charges that Cox had been facing until a little more than a week ago.

Coach Jim Harbaugh who won the NFL’s Coach of the Year talked a LOT about character last season. He led a team that he often praised for their character to the NFC Championship Game, a win away from the Super Bowl.

My extremely condensed version of Cox’s sexual assault charges and trial: Cox carried an unconscious woman to a man’s bed in Cox’s house. Cox’s girlfriend was asleep in the house. The woman’s date was asleep in the house. The unconscious woman became pregnant. Tests have determined that the chances are 99% sure that the child is Cox’s. Not the woman’s date or Cox’s roommate who was sleeping in the house. The woman does not remember having sex with him. He says he did not have sex with her. Cox went to trail and was acquitted of sexual assault.

Acquittal isn’t guilty and it’s not innocent. Even guilty or innocent verdicts aren’t always accurate. There’s no denying that Cox looks bad in this situation. The criminal case is closed. Maybe the woman will file civil charges. Maybe not. Hopefully…what do I say? I want to say: hopefully, she heals and justice is served at some point by someone. As an outsider, it looks like that person is Cox. In the meantime, Cox is not alone in looking bad.

The 49ers’ owner John York, General Manager Baalke, and everyone involved in the decision to hire Cox look bad. The character battle is lost already and training camp hasn’t even started. Games are won by points scored, but remember that the next time Harbaugh, Baalke, or York talk about the team and its character.

This is the first in a 4-part series. We'll move to homophobia in sports, with a focus on the NFL in part 2. In part 3, I'll write about gay--former--NFL players. Part 4's discussion looks at "domestic violence" from the personal to the political. I'll include a list of works cited and resources the end of Part 4. See you in the Bleachers!

Spring Training

 Giants, Giants, Giants!
 
The Giants are in Arizona for Spring Training, and I'm home for Spring Break. That was my second sentence of my new blog. I wrote the first one 6 days ago.

I'm starting this new blog cuz I wasn't writing the other one. I felt blocked, constrained. After a while, I wanted a blog, I wanted to blog, but I didn't want that one. I read my work in public. I publish my work in books, journals, and other blogs. I have some ideas why, but I didn’t feel write (sp error that I'm going to leave) about putting that work on that blog. Home(Y)Lands was focused on place, specifically land and people. Land? When I think of my land--San Francisco's Mission District--I think of concrete. For now…

Something feels right about putting this work on this blog. In Life in the Bleachers, I will write about those things we do when we’re not doing the other things we do.

We work, we go to school, we shop for groceries, we cook, we hang out with family and friends or friends who are like family, we watch movies, we watch the game, we do laundry, we write poetry, we attend concerts.

For some of us, work is the main thing we do. For others, school is. For lots of us, keeping up with the team takes all our time. We may not know how we’re going to pay rent, but we know when's the next game and where we’re watching it. For others, playing on the team is the most important thing in our lives and work is the thing we do so we can play.

Some of us always play even when we’re doing the laundry. We toss the sock in to the hamper and think “Two!” even if we don’t say it out loud. I’m not a jock and this isn’t a blog for jocks. I like sports. I write sports and I am interested in more than two, but my top two are baseball and football. I’ll write more about my teams, the Giants and 49ers, later. As much as they are my team and I’ve cried over losses and wins, I appreciate other sports, including basketball and boxing.

This is basketball season and I'll write about it sometimes. If I root for any basketball team, I root for my hometown's Warriors. There was a time when I stood on the side of the court waiting for players so I could ask for their autographs. I'll write about that too.

You should know that I hate sports. Really, I don't hate any actual sport. I hate the racism, sexism, and homophobia that surrounds sports and not only professional sports. I hate capitalism too, the reason for my teams’ creation, and the superficial basis of our society. Racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism. Terms that many fans—and players—usually don’t want to talk about. I don’t like talking about the r-word, s-word, h-word, c-word. They're no fun. They ruin fun. Before I ruin all my or yours, I’m going to end this post. 

I just wanted take the blog out for a few laps. Stand in the sunshine and breathe in the fresh air of a new post. You know, take some practice swings outside the batter’s box. I’ll come back out for a few more warm-ups before Opening Day. I hope you’re doing ok. I hope your team is. And if you don't have a team or sport, that's ok.  You still have time: this is Spring Training.